An Empty Feeling
by KeitoKio
Summary: Harry Potter has depression, and after being locked up in a Mental Ward, he runs away. He spends two happy years in New York with new, better doctors. But all is ruined and the empty feeling is back when a person claiming to be an agent show up. No Pairings Planned, warning slefharm and mental illness tripper Only Prologue Up Atm
1. Prologue

Harry Potter was tired.

Tired of never being able to leave his house because of the reporters, he had begun to develop a fear of cameras because of them.

Tired of the women _and_ men that thought he just loved to get hit on, how women thought that because he wasn't dating he was desperate, how men assumed that because of his small stature he was ready to submit and listen to everything they said.

Tired, oh Merlin he was so tired of his friends. He could never hate them or leave them, but with Ron's anger for him not joining the Auror's, and Hermione's constant commands that he should share his personal views to the public, made him so tired.

But no matter how much sleep he got, how much he hid, how much he ignore all that made him tired. He was still so very _exhausted_.

The exhaustion just got worse, then became partnered with sadness, then the loss of appetite.

He wouldn't eat for days, he wasn't starving himself, he just couldn't tell when he was hungry. Harry had tried explaining it to Hermione but she just began ranting about anorexia.

He wasn't sure what made her think he had _that_ , he was comfortable in his body, he didn't think he was fat. If anything he was just annoyed by his height.

Then his eating became weird, he would eat large quantities then go for days without eating and it was so confusing and he didn't know what was wrong

He was just tired

Tired

Tired

So very tired.

Harry was sure his mind was breaking but at the same time he felt perfectly fine.

He was fine.

Everything is normal.

Everything is fine.

Fine

 _Fine_

 **Fine**

 _ **Fine**_

 _ **Finefinefinefinefine.**_

George, who Harry talked to from time to time, had forced him to talk to a Mind-Healer. The talks helped..

And the medicine helped and didn't. They made him feel numb. He said how he felt so tired but couldn't sleep. She gave him antidepressants that made him feel empty, like they took away the sadness but the happiness stayed away too. She also gave him sleeping pills that were too strong a dose for him, he had tried to explain that with his.. smaller stature that he would need a lower dose. But she acted like she was right, that the shaking and headaches and just sickness were normal.

He kept taking the antidepressants, he'd rather have the emptiness than the tiredness. He felt empty alot during his stay at the Dursleys so he could deal with that.

But he couldn't deal with the sickness, he threw away the sleeping pills and lied when she asked how his sleeping was, throwing away every refill.

With Hermione and Ron and the Reporters and the emptiness, Harry finally gave up. So he did what he thought might help with the emptiness. Pain wasn't an empty feeling, pain was filled with feeling because pain was feeling.

No one really questioned when Harry began wearing long sleeves, it was winter after all. But soon people became suspicious when summer came along.

When they saw the new and old cuts, most new, covering both arms, all the way from wrist to elbow, he was thrown into the St. Mungo's mental ward.

From the months of being there Harry still felt the emptiness, he had thought the pain helped, but it didn't. He was so desperate that he believed the pain helped.

He had learned he was a good actor too. After 5 months they had released him.

Harry Potter packed and moved the second he got home, none of his close friends knew where he went. All of his clothes and a multitude of potions were gone, noone knew what to do but at the same time they didn't try to do anything, noone wants a mentally ill Savior.

In New York Alex Bralie smiled brightly as he thanked his new Therapist, Laura, for the tips on anger issues.

He didn't feel so empty.

But he felt nervous as he opened the door to his apartment two years after Harry Potter's disappearance to see a very important looking man standing there.

" ? I'm Agent Phil Coulson with SHIELD, may I speak with you?"

His nervousness began to turn empty.


	2. Contemplating

Hello Everyone! Name's Keito or Cate.

I'm glad you guys liked the prologue, so I started working on the first chapter right away. I've had this idea for a while, well I've had a lot of ideas. Well I hope you like this, and for those forgetting, Harry changed his name to Alex so yes this still is about Harry.

See Ya

Alex Bralie smiled as he read the book in his lap, he was in one of his moments where he just relished in the feeling of being happy. It had been two years since he had left behind his old life and name, and he was glad he did. Alex had more than enough money from him parents, but he knew for a fact that he needed work to calm his mind. He worked small jobs, libraries and café's.

And he was happy.

He if course still got hit on by both girls and guys, but as long as there were no Reporters or pushy friends he was able to deal with it. The new doctors were amazing, the medication worked wonders. And for once, when he said he was fine.. he was fine.

He frowned slightly when there was a knock on his apartment door, the only time he got visitors was when needed something.

Shifting to set the book on the coffee table, and look at the door without moving too much, Alex tried to think whether or not he should answer. Finally, he got up from the couch and opened the door to greet whoever was there.

He felt nervousness as he saw the very important looking man standing there.

"I'm Agent Phil Coulson with SHIELD, may I speak with you?"

His nervousness began to feel empty.

Why was he empty he was getting better this shouldn't be happening the Healer's medication made him feel empty but he wasn't taking those so why was he empty nononono the emptiness went away why was it back please no

Alex tried to keep his face blank as he replied to VeryImportantMan, now Agent Coulson.

"May you? I'm not aware of any criminally incriminating things I have done. Why do you want to talk to me?"

Alex mentally smiled as he remembered how good an actor he was, well in his opinion.

But apparently he wasn't as good as he thought, because he noticed how the Agent shifted himself to make him look less intimidating, obviously hearing the slight panic and fear in his tone.

"Nothing illegal, I assure you. My Director wants me to speak with you about some important matters, some that I doubt you want me talking about in the middle of the hallway." Agent Coulson said, looking over his should to where a very nosy neighbor was standing, trying to listen in.

Alex's eyes widened, the neighbors thought he was normal! Having a agent wanting to talk to him would make people not like him, he just wanted to be normal, he even stopped using magic!

"Y-yes of course. Please come in." Alex stuttered out quickly, moving out of the way of the doorway, then closing the door immediately after Coulson entered.

He had no idea what to do, because what did he do to get the attention of some government?

"So what did you need to talk to me about?" He asked, taking a seat where he was before, when he was happy, and he still couldn't figure out why he felt empty why why why did he feel emp-

"My Director sent me to bring you to the Hellicarrier. We are aware of your world, and who you are. We need your help with a crisis. You'll be given more in-"

The emptiness began to fade, but instead of the exhaustion that he expected, Alex was filled with undeniable anger. How dare they?! He was living a perfectly normal life! He had helped people before, but they just locked him up! He wasn't going to let that happen again.

"Excuse me Agent, but I didn't agree to help. You can just walk yourself out of my apartment and tell your Director that he should see whether or not people are willing to help before he send Agents to collect them." Alex practically growled, and stood up. He was going to physically drag Coulson out if he had to!

"I'm sorry -" Coulson started, only to be cut off from Alex. "My name isn't Potter I left that name when I left fighting and my world, no matter what your Director says I'm not fighting."

"Mr… Bralie, I am aware that you left your world, but the crisis that we are experiencing is as threatening as Voldemort was. A force stronger than wizards has appeared. Everyone, even you, is at risk. There have been deaths of civilians and a lose of one of our Agents. At least come back with me to Headquarters so you can be informed at full."

Alex clenched him jaw, everyone is at risk. Apparently this SHIELD was aware of his stupid saving people thing.

"…fine. I'll go to be informed at full. If I don't see this as a worldwide crisis I'm leaving." Coulson nodded, agreeing with the terms.

"If you'll follow me, we'll have to take a car to a helicopter to take to Headquarters." He said, heading towards the door.

Alex follow reluctantly, why was he agreeing? He was happy and peaceful how he was. Even with these thoughts he still followed the Agent to the black car that was parked outside his apartment complex.

Through the whole ride Alex kept quiet, after the ranting he did to Coulson, the anger had disappeared, and the empty feeling returned. He hated it so much. He couldn't understand why his meds weren't working, they had worked for so long! His thoughts stayed even as they left the car to travel in the helicopter. Alex had never really liked airplanes and helicopters, he was fine when he controlled the flying on his broom but any other kind of flying made him nervous.

He almost had a panic attack when he saw what headquarters was. A giant weird monstrosity of a aircraft. How do they know that one of the engines won't fail?! What if someone messed something up?! Oh he was going to hate it in there.

When they landed on top of the thing he realized that things just couldn't get worse. Multiple aircrafts on a aircraft. Wonderful just wonderful.

He tried to listen in as Coulson talked on him com, and felt a bit of annoyance creep through the emptiness when he talked to low for him to hear.

The both of them, and an agent who seemed to be there to keep an eye on him, walked to… somewhere. Alex still had no idea, Coulson hadn't spoken to him since they had left the apartment.

(AN, A DIFFERENT AGENT WENT TO GET STARK OKAY? OKAY.)

A few minutes later they walked into a room with multiple other people.

A blonde man, who was the first in many tall people in the room like really why did he have to be cursed with shortness, who seemed to be cosplaying for a midevil videogame in Alex's opinion.

Another blonde man, who looked more likely to be in some teenage girls magazine then here.

A very nervous looking dark haired man who looked so out of place.

A red hair chick that definitely looked in her habitat, but at the same time looked like she would rather be anywhere else.

Some man who was a bit shorter then the rest, but still taller than him. He seemed to be very.. eccentric and talkative.

And finally a man who looked like the love child of Kingsley and Mad-Eye. No other way to describe him really.

Alex glanced at Coulson, who began to talk.

"Director Fury, I brought like you asked." He said, directed towards the love child, who was apparently Fury.

Instead of dwelling on how a love child of Kingsley and Mad-Eye would make an excellent government agent, Alex instead began to speak with annoyance. "Agent Coulson I already said this. It's Alex Bralie not Harry Potter. And Director, because you have probably been stalking me, I'm going to guess that you know I haven't fought for two years, and unless this is an actual world crisis I'm not going to break the Bo fighting streak either."

He said, giving a slight glare to Fury.

"Of course this is a world crisis or I wouldn't of bothered to get you anyway. And I don't care what name you prefer, unless you get the documents to change your name, you're Harry Potter on this ship." Fury said, glaring right back at him.

Alex….

Harry pursed his lips before glancing around the room, then back at Fury.

"Okay fine. But just debrief me on what's happening and I'll decide if I'll help or not."


End file.
